CLASSIC BATTLETECH CATALYST game labs

 

So is that Myomer groin Triple-Strength Myomer, MASC, or the regular stuff?

After Dad is through talking, it's the shrink's turn.

Omni groin technology?

I suppose this will be in the upcoming "Personal ops"?
Would IS omni groins be larger and weighty than their clan counterparts?

You cannot be apollyon if you retain the usage of pants.

How about heavy duty groins?

[Groans in agony] Please for the sake of the Jihad and the Third Transfer, make it stop.

You, sir, are truly sick and deranged - in the most flattering way, of course!

Fixed that for ya 

What about a RAC groin, for when there is too many Manei Domini chicks and not enough groin?  Wait, did I cross the line?!?! 

And if you have to ask if Apollyon wears pants then I know you did not read my earlier postings because Apollyon does not wear pants, ask the police and the sex offender about this! 

Is that a field piece?

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!  This will be my last post for a while since I need to do school stuff.  But don't worry there will be more, Apollyon will not go away that easily!

The Ride Home

My dad is a piece of ****, why?  Well because I have to write this blog now from a Starbucks because my dad threw me out of the house.  What happened was that after my dad bailed us out, he felt like he could just yell at Precentor Apollyon which was not acceptable.  Only the master can yell at me and only after I ask him questions regarding this, so it is really me yelling at myself for the master, but that is not the point today.  I want to lay out exactly what my dad said because I think many of you will realize how ridiculous he is being.  

So after my Dad bailed us out, we had to help Emperor Palpatine into the back seat of my dad’s Mercedes because the Emperor was distraught over what happened in jail.  As soon as I got into the front seat my dad started yelling about how stupid I was.  I responded that the plan had worked perfectly which resulted in him slamming on his brakes and staring at me with this stunned look before he started speaking.  “Son, can you please tell me why you would intentionally start a riot and protest a game store?  Also, the news said many people were injured so can you please explain to me why in any way you wanted to cause those things to happen?!?!?”  I laughed and said “Dad, you just don’t get it do you, there is a war going on, right now, you just don’t see it.”  He responded “Are you ****** crazy?  Don’t answer that, you are dressed like a freak and you talk to a god **** magic 8 ball, of course you have lost your mind.”  This was something I could not tolerate, “Hey I don’t look like a freak I am a Manei Domini cyborg masterpiece, I have said this to you about 10 times Dad, why don’t you understand, and that is not a magic 8 ball it is the master!”  

While we had been arguing Emperor Palpatine started crying and sobbing in the back seat.  Dad, because he is the most insensitive person ever, said, “Can you shut your freakishly dressed friend up, I am tired of hearing him cry, I don’t need this right now Emperor Apple or whatever the hell you call yourself now.”  “It’s Precentor Apollyon and maybe you should get a heart Dad because he was just raped an hour ago by a bunch of Dragoons so I don’t think he is going to stop!”  My dad responded “See this is what I am talking about son, this dumb protest of yours resulted in your friend getting raped in jail, do you see what you did, that your decisions have consequences?  Had you stayed at Harvard law school like I told you to then this wouldn’t have happened?”  

Now I got even madder and said “You’re bringing this up again, really Dad?  I told you I don’t need this I don’t want to be a lawyer like you, I want to be a Manei Domini and I want to fight for the Word of Blake, you just don’t understand.”  He pulled the car over “Are you really crazy do we need to see a doctor or something?  Who drops out of law school at Harvard so he can dress like a futuristic male prostitute and play that dumb game you would go to the game store to play?  Have you started doing drugs, are you on that crystal stuff, is that what this is son, because if it is we can get you help?”  I replied “I am not on drugs, and I don’t need help, what I need is a doctor who can provide me with a myomer musculature as well as a time machine to take me to the 31st century because clearly Dad I am a great man in the wrong time period.”  He put his head in his hands and started speaking to himself “What the hell did I do wrong?”  

I spoke up “Do you work for Comstar, or did Jim contact you because this is starting to sound a lot like something Jim or Comstar would try to do?”  My dad didn’t respond and just started driving again he actually didn’t speak up at all the rest of the ride home.  It was really horrible because Emperor Palpatine kept sobbing and crying and started saying something like “his butt hurt and he couldn’t sit down anymore.”  I didn’t say anything either since I didn’t want to get dad riled up again.  After we dropped off the Emperor at his parent’s house, my Dad said that we would be having a talk with my mom when we got home.  

After we got home I went immediately to my room to grab a new master out of the packaging because I figured I might need him for the talk.  My dad started yelling up to me after I got the master “Son get down here right now!”  I came down to the living room where my mom and dad were sitting.  My dad said “We are going to have a talk because I cannot allow this to go on anymore I have tolerated this for too long now.”  My mom spoke up “Honey its ok, you know you need to calm down because of your blood pressure and we can discuss this later.”  I spoke up before my dad could and said, “The master says I can speak about this “without a doubt”.”   My dad looked at my mom “See this is what I am talking about, you see honey?”  

He looked at me “This will stop or you are out of this house, I am not kidding anymore.  You are now affecting my career at my law firm because of your riot!”  I replied “It is not my fault your firm is a bunch of clan like babies!  I struck a huge blow for the word that day.  Also, I don't take orders from you, I only take them from the master.”  My dad looked like he wanted to kill me and said “You understand it is a ******* 8 ball, it is not your master!”  I saw through his scheme, “What did Comstar promise you dad, what could they have possibly promised you that you would be willing to try and turn your own son like this?”  My mom started crying which was clearly a sham, and my dad spoke up “I think we need to put you in an institution, because this is clearly not working son, and you have some issues!”  I started laughing and asked the master “Should I let them institutionalize me?”  He responded “outlook not so good” which normally means no.  I looked at my dad and said “The master says” but before I could finish my dad yelled at me “I know what the god damn thing says!”  

I spoke up “You guys just don’t understand me or what I am going through right now."  My mom spoke up, "Tell us honey maybe we can help you, that is all we want to do."  I looked at her, "Well mom the third transfer is coming, and the master keeps telling me that the Word might not win this war.”  My mom spoke up, “Honey who is this word, is this a gang you joined or a cult or something because you don’t have to be like this, we can get you out!”  I looked at her, "Mom the Manei Domini isn't something you just leave, I made a decision and I have to live with it, I am a member for life!"  

My dad interjected “That's enough, are you going or staying son, because I am done with this?”  I looked at the master and asked him but he said “concentrate and ask again.”  My dad rolled his eyes and said “You decide not the damn ball son!”   I looked at him and said “If you don’t shut up then I can’t concentrate and the master asked me to concentrate so keep quiet.”  My mom started crying more so I told her “Mom you are acting like a frail right now, and the master looks down on these sorts of things as do I.”  She just looked at me but had at least stopped crying so I asked the master again if I should leave, to my surprise he said “Most likely” which means yes!  So I looked up at my parents and said “I will leave because there is no reason for me to reside in a home which has joined Comstar and its allies! Of all people, my own Mother and Father have joined the heretics, what depth will Comstar sink too to get at me?”  My dad looked at me with an astonished face before speaking “Fine you have made your decision so pack your things and get out.”  My mom started wailing.  

I looked him in the eye and said “We are enemies now, and when we meet again I will have to destroy you.  By the way can I stay for a couple days since there is a big CoD 4 match for my clan on Tuesday which I can’t miss?”  He looked at me like he wanted ot hit me “You’re really asking that?”  I said “Yeah.”  He just looked at the floor and spoke in a low voice “Get the **** out of my house, you are not my son anymore!”  I responded “I know because the Master said the “outlook was not so good” when I asked him if you were my parents.  Plus, the writers have not revealed who my parents are so until they do you guys are just the fakes the master had raised me!”  They both just looked at me as I went upstairs to pack my things.

So why am I at Starbucks, because I had to leave the house the next day.  I not only missed my CoD 4 match but I also have not found a new home.  So Precentor Apollyon is homeless right now, and no that is not funny.  I have requested that the writers of CBT let me live with them since they say they are also members of the Word of Blake.  But their attitudes towards me and their denial of my request show they have finally become fully fledged Comstar members in everything but name!  Also Herb you did not need to laugh when you told me “hell no” about me living with you.  It was rude and unbecoming of a WoB member.  And since you asked, it wasn't that hard to get your number, the Word have people everywhere as you should know.  

Emperor Palpatine’s parents said they don’t want me living with them either since they found out that the Emperor has been diagnosed with syphilis because of what happened in jail.  I told them I was sorry but they wouldn’t budge, I think they have become members of Comstar as well.  So overall it has been a bad couple of days.  It is made worse by the fact that the Starbucks will not accept my homemade C-Bills as currency.  For some reason they said that this is not a valid form of currency.  Anyway, I got to go but next week I will be posting about my search for a home and my new job.  

Disclaimer:  This is fiction, all names are fictitious and do not resemble real people, if they do that is hilarious. This is not canon, yet! Starbucks is copyrighted material used with the permission of the Master!  

Next Time:  Finding a new home and my new job!  

This is not going to end well for Apollyon is it?

I'm back *******!!! 

My new home

So for those of you wondering if I was dead or gone forever, I have returned better and more glorious than before!  I hate to repeat myself but I am the one and only Precentor Apollyon!  There are no others like me nor will there ever be so all of you on the boards who thought you could replace me, think again!  So you are all probably wondering what I have been up to these past couple months.  Well I won’t lie to you my loyal readers, the Master and I had some tough times out on the streets.  Who ever thought the leader of the Manei Domini would be searching trash cans for food or fighting hobos under the bridge for the best spots to beg for change.  Lucky for me the metal plate on my skull makes many people believe I am a veteran of some kind and so they often give me more money than the other hobo frails.  Some have told me it is wrong to act like a veteran when I am not one, but I ask those detractors among you in the forums, did I not crush Jim?  Did I not bring down a gaming center in the war with Comstar?  Did Apollyon not suffer in prison and survive? Also, did I not crush my enemies on Cod 4 every Tuesday night at 9pm?  I think all of that qualifies me to be a veteran, and as the leader of the Manei Domini I can do what I want anyway! 

The streets are no easy place, and I would say to all those who believe otherwise, I would compare the streets I have survived on as tough as those battlefields of Sian or New Avalon.  It is a miracle I survived, or maybe it is just my part man part machine body.  I have fought off hobos with rusty forks, scrap metal, and my grocery cart.  Slept in dumpsters, and burnt out cars, and had a knife fight with a crackhead for half of a subway sandwich.  I have done the truffle shuffle for a dollar, and have done other things which are not appropriate here.  My metal skull has taken a number of clubbings and kept me alive, I have become more than other Manei Domini, I am now, truly, more than ever Precentor Apollyon.   I have been bathed in the fires of the city and have come out a stronger Manei Domini for my actions. 

It was after all this that I realized the streets, as mean as they were, were the perfect breeding ground for my Manei Domini minions.  I realized that the writers who had never truly revealed the true origins of the Master or of the Manei Domini must have been thinking of every shanty town in America when they wrote about the Manei Domini.  Who is stronger than toothless Bill on 5th street?  Who else can hear voices like Crazy Carl on the corner of Kennedy and MLK?  Also is anyone more ruthless than Crackhead Pete who will do anything ( I do mean anything) for a dollar?  There are also Slutty Sally and Gonorrhea Gladys who could sweet talk any man to do anything and can hide all manner of things inside themselves.  These hobos possessed many of the same powers as that of the Manei Domini, the ability to hear far away voices, enhanced strength, enhanced manipulation abilities, the ability to hide things within their body.  Look for yourself in the fiction, ask yourself if Hobos cannot do many of the same things!  Is it so hard to believe Ben and Herb did not spend time on the streets themselves?  Or that they would not have stooped so low as to use the homeless as their models for the Manei Domini?

 It was one night after drinking moonshine with Alcoholic Andy that I realized that the Manei Domini army I had been hoping for was now before me.  World domination was within my grasp!  I quickly consulted the Master and asked him if this was the army I had been waiting for, he said, “Without a doubt!”  It was at this point though that I had to stab Alcoholic Andy with the rusty screw driver I always have taped to my arm.  When he is drunk he often tries to harm the master, believing it is a magic black egg which will make him rich.  No matter how many times I tell him it is not, he still goes for it at which point I have to give him a non-lethal stab of the screwdriver.  You may be wondering why he has not gotten tetanus, and  it is because he has gotten stabbed so many times on the streets that he has become immune to the effects of tetanus (Doctors say he is a miracle of science, I just call it being Manei Domini).  I knew after stabbing Andy and thinking about this, that he would become my first minion.  But he must have a good Manei Domini name, which is why I started calling him Balthazar!  Similar to Apollyon but not quite as cool!  Also, he cannot really say it when hes drunk so when he tries to say it sort of sounds like he is saying ball sack so that sort of makes it worth it! 

The next day we woke up and went searching for our new home.  I needed something big, something large enough to build an army in, and possibly a battlemech at some point!!  I knew that the only place available to us was the old fruit warehouse on the far side of the homeless area.  My opposition would be fierce like the clans on Tukkuyaid!  Crackhead Pete controlled the warehouse area with his cronies, and I knew there was only one way to win that territory from them.  Biological warfare!  I know you may be thinking that this is wrong, but have not the different houses in the Inner Sphere been using such weapons on each other forever?  Would it be so wrong if I had used it on Crackhead Pete?  A man so ruthless and vile he would make Katrina Steiner look like Mother Teresa, but hotter, actually a lot hotter!  (This is a side note, but if Mother Teresa looked like Katrina Steiner wouldn’t you bang her? Also the writers need to get back to me on the ability of Manei Domini to mate, I mean if they hate the clans so much wouldn’t the one way to piss the clans off would be to breed?  Like have cool half man half machine babies?  And writers if you use that, I want some credit!) 

So how did I use bio-warfare on Crackhead Pete?  The same way the Word did on Atreus, from the air!  Everyone in that part of town knew Crackhead Pete was too quick and too agile with a knife to be taken down from the ground.  But he would never think to check above him.  Balthazar and I sneaked into the rafters of the warehouse and hit him and his cronies from the air, we dumped Manei Domini waste product we had saved up for a couple days as well as glass jars of liquid waste right on top of him and his evil minions. They did not even look up as they ran out of the warehouse with cuts from the glass now infected with Manei Domini waste.  All of them would later require extensive hospital stays due to infections and lack of anti-biotics on the streets. The master would have been proud because in one swift move I had liberated that side of town from Crackhead Pete and had found myself a new home.  I had become a champion of the people just like the word is in the Protectorate!  Any true Manei Domini can see the genius in my plan and how I had pulled it off flawlessly like any Apollyon plan!

  The warehouse was surprisingly clean.  The mattresses were already there as was a bathroom and a stolen electricity hook up.  All I needed was an internet connection.  All that was needed was new locks on the doors and the warehouse was mine.  Step 1 to world domination was complete. 

Many of you may be wondering how I got online to write this paper.  Well because of the lack of electricity in the homeless areas, Slutty Sally had traded me a laptop she had stolen from some John for my modified grocery cart since she couldn’t use it and had no idea how it worked.  I had Balthazar figure out a way to get internet into the warehouse, and like magic the hook up was complete.  So expect more my loyal followers out there, and to my enemies…be ready for the Manei Domini is coming for you!


Disclaimer:  This is fiction, all names are fictitious and do not resemble real people, if they do that is hilarious. This is not canon, yet!

Next Time:  Finding a  new job!

If you were wondering this picture was my inspiration for Alcoholic Andy A.K.A. Balthazar A.K.A. Ball Sac. 

Wow!  A Buck Rogers reference!  That takes me back a few decades. . .

It is good to see Apollyon back on the boards and raising hell.  Keep it coming!